


say something

by souju



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Bad Boys, Gay For You, Heartbreak, How Do I Tag, Kissing at Midnight, M/M, Soft Kim Hongjoong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-19 11:02:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22243381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/souju/pseuds/souju
Summary: Being in love with a bad boy isn't the best idea. Your heart may or may not break.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 4
Kudos: 123





	1. Your broken heart

**Author's Note:**

> my english is not top notch  
> just so you know lol

“He’s so good-looking.”

“Seonghwa, you’re almost drooling.” 

He would deny he’s not crushing that hard but it was probably a lie. It’s not his fault.

“Hongjoong is amazing.” He sighs staring at his crush with a hand under his chin, cliché at its finest. 

“He’s also a shorty.” Mingi butts in.

“He looks so great in a leather jacket...” Seonghwa is basically daydreaming at this point, not really listening to his friend.

“So you’re into bad boys, cool. But please, try to keep yourself under some control, goddammit.” Yunho has had enough. 

“No point, Yunho. This tiny boy has some effect on Hwa.” Mingi shakes his head in disappointment. “I don’t get it, what’s so impressive about him?”

“He’s perfect, you won’t understand.” 

“Seonghwa, you sound like an edgy middle school girl.” Yunho cringes, love is a scary thing, it makes you a total fool, that’s his conclusion from observing Seonghwa for the past months.

“He’s also straight.” Mingi says which gets him a glare from Seonghwa. 

“I don’t care.” He whines. “Can’t I just admire him in silence?”

“Yeah, you can. But you’re not doing it! You’re babbling about him to us all the time!” Yunho has had enough of his friend pining. 

They have a point, okay. Seonghwa is aware it’s a stupid crush. Very dumb, cliché crush on a straight bad boy. He can’t help it, his heart speeds up every time he sees him. He hopes it’s just simple puppy love and it will pass fast. It’s been only a few months, it’s not that bad… right?

Seonghwa keeps fantasizing about confessing, especially now that Hongjoong isn’t dating any girl. But that would go so wrong in real life. So he keeps his dreams to himself. He can be satisfied with just subtly looking at him a few times a day. It’s fine.

Except it’s not. 

It’s a normal Friday after classes and Hongjoong would usually quickly leave on his motorcycle. But today he’s just standing next to the gate waiting for something or someone. So maybe it’s not a normal day after all.

Seonghwa feels weirdly anxious as he approaches the gate. It’s like heavens telling him to turn around and run away as fast as he can. Because just then Hongjoong lifts up his eyes and stares at him. His gaze burning holes in Seonghwa but he’s already so close, he can’t escape.

“Hey, I need to talk to you.” Hongjoong says. And Seonghwa ponders whether it’s a dream (or a nightmare) because Hongjoong is talking to him, for the first time. And his voice is calm with a weird undertone that Seonghwa doesn’t quite understand.

“S-sure.” He stutters back, Hongjoong clearly doesn’t want to talk here as he starts walking. Seonghwa following him naturally. 

Their pace is fast, they walk in silence to the nearby park.

“Okay. I think it’s safe here.” Hongjoong stops looking around nervously. Seonghwa looks at him with obvious confusion so he explains. “I didn’t want anybody to hear because… Uh, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to embarrass you or anything but I just have to talk to you.” He says quickly, clearly not comfortable. Seonghwa is still not sure if it’s real life right now.

“What is it about?” He manages to ask with a minimal stutter, talking to his longtime crush right in front of him does crazy things to his heart.

“I felt-” Hongjoong huffs, not knowing how to approach the topic. “I noticed you’re staring at me. Like a lot. Like every day.” Okay, so Seonghwa wasn’t really subtle then, his panic mode starts to grow slowly.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, man- But why? I mean I guess- Oh god, it’s so embarrassing.” Hongjoong winces at the situation they’re in. “I had to let you know because I always feel your eyes on me and it’s unpleasant. I know you probably don’t mean anything bad but- Sorry. I don’t like guys.” He apologizes again with frowned expression. He doesn’t enjoy making others feel bad, but he had no other choice. He had to clarify. 

“It’s fine.” Seonghwa chokes out somehow. “I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.” He stares at his own feet to avoid Hongjoong’s eyes, because he may just combust or cry. Or both. He didn’t know his heart could feel like this. Shattered. 

“Are you okay? I’m not mad-” Hongjoong tries to ask gently as the boy is now visibly trembling. 

“Yeah, it’s fine.” He repeats, his own voice sounding shaky even to himself. “I’m just sorry, I won’t do that again. I swear.” He bows as he apologizes again and then he just flees.

The next few days Seonghwa is overwhelmed with distress. He had no idea it could get to him so badly. He also noticed how much Hongjoong didn’t want to sound rude or hurt his feelings. And that’s not helping because that’s just another proof of how good of a person Hongjoong is. So Seonghwa is torn because of that, he cries only a little over the weekend. 

Mingi and Yunho are trying to comfort him the best they can. But it’s not really working when he unconsciously keeps seeing Hongjoong from the corner of his eyes. It’s not a big campus anyway, it’s inevitable but it doesn’t make it any less bearable. 

“I’m a mess.” Seonghwa sighs leaning on Mingi’s shoulder as the younger pats his head lightly.

“It’s alright. It happens to all of us. Well, my crushes never came to me to personally tell me off but-”

“You’re not helping!” Yunho kicks him in the leg.

“That’s the point! He was nice even if he thought I was creepy. He crushed my heart in a kind way. I hate it.” Seonghwa whines more. 

“A bad boy with a very kind heart. I see why you started liking him-”

“You’re not helping! Again!” Yunho kicks Mingi a second time, a little harder now because Seonghwa’s bottom lip starts to tremble. “He’ll cry! In public! And I don’t want to pretend I don’t know him.”

“You wouldn’t.” Mingi squints. He’s right, Yunho wouldn’t but he still prefers to avoid his friend crying. Especially publicly. 

It’s fine. Seonghwa gets over it eventually. Not literally, but he manages to not be on the verge of tears all the time. He feels like a crybaby and decides it’s enough. A few weeks later and he doesn’t even think about it every second of the day.

It’s weekend and he spent some time at Yunho’ and Mingi’s place. He decided to walk home on foot, the night is only a little chilly. 

It was quite nice until he hears a well-known sound of a motorcycle. But maybe it’s not- Nope, it’s Hongjoong. He just stops next to him and Seonghwa is completely terrified. Is he going to snap at him? Seonghwa swears he wasn’t staring anymore if anything he tried to avoid him at all costs. Always averting his eyes if Hongjoong was accidentally in his field of view.

Seonghwa just kind of froze in his spot on the sidewalk. 

“Hi?” He heard Hongjoong’s voice. The voice way too soft and sweet.

Seonghwa turned away finally and just started to apologize. Making Hongjoong very confused.

“Wait, wait- Why are you sorry? Please, stop-” He also started panicking a little because of boy’s strange antics. 

“I’m sorry? I promise you I wasn’t looking at you intentionally.” Seonghwa feels so bad, the last thing he wanted is to make Hongjoong feel uncomfortable again.

“Huh? No, no. It’s not that, calm down. I just wanted to check on you. Since you know, it’s the middle of the night… I don’t think it’s very wise wandering around at this hour.”

Seonghwa blinks few times trying to comprehend the situation. “But you’re also outside? And alone?”

“Yeah, but for some reason, motorcycles and leather jackets seem to be kind of intimidating. I think I’m safe.” He chuckles and Seonghwa’s feels return ten times stronger. “I recognized you and wanted to make sure you’re okay.” He adds with a warm smile, suddenly the night gets much more suffocating for Seonghwa.

“Oh.” How kind can he be honest? It seems to have no boundaries.

“Do you maybe want a lift?” 

“Huh?” Seonghwa thinks he gets much less intelligent when it comes to Hongjoong, he just goes speechless, great. Way to make a better impression.

Hongjoong motions to the motorcycle he’s still sitting on. “I can take you home if you want.”

Seonghwa definitely doesn’t want that. His heart is still in pieces that are now bouncing around in his chest. So he just stares dumbly. The offer is too generous. 

“I don’t want to- make you uncomfortable.” Seonghwa avoids his eyes again, despite being so nice he just feels intimidating. 

“Ah, I’m sorry about that. I didn’t want to offend you! It’s not like I’m against it or anything- I’m just not into guys myself. It has nothing to do with the lift though… I’ll feel bad leaving you alone now, I’ll worry too much. Just please accept.” Hongjoong pleads with frowned expression, he just looks adorable. Seonghwa can’t take it anymore so he agrees. 

He questions his choice when it’s time for him to sit behind Hongjoong on the motorcycle. This lovely guy even gave him his helmet. Seonghwa is trying his best not to melt on the spot. However, now begins real task – how to not die on the ride home? Where is he supposed to put his hands? His whole body gets rigid and he thinks he just heard Hongjoong snicker, but that maybe his imagination. He’s going to hyperventilate any second now.

Hongjoong saves him from it by speaking up.

“You have to hold me or you’ll probably fell off and die, okay?”

“O-okay.” He mutters back and hesitantly grabs Hongjoong’s jacket. Will this do?

“I don’t think so. Is it your first time?”

“What?”

“On the motorcycle. Is it your first ride?”

“Y-yeah.” His mind was just going places, obviously. He’s glad Hongjoong can’t see his face getting heated up. Instead, Hongjoong takes his both hands and wraps them around his waist. Seonghwa thinks that is a faster way to die, but okay. He won’t argue, that seems like a pleasant death actually. 

“Sorry about that, but it’s safer.” Hongjoong mutters and already starts the bike.

Seonghwa is forced to cling to Hongjoong’s back the whole ride. He doesn’t a complaint but on the other hand, his heart is making confused flips. He got very clearly rejected and it hurt like a bitch. But the person that rejected him still cares for his well-being and safety.

Yeah, it’s confusing. Hongjoong is such a good guy. He’d be a great friend, maybe he wouldn’t even mind being friends with Seonghwa. Except Seonghwa isn’t sure if he could make it without completely falling in love (if he isn’t already, he’s not so sure).


	2. how can I stop

“Thanks for the ride.” Seonghwa says with a blank mind, his voice not wavering which is an improvement but at the same time it may mean he just died.

Hongjoong just flashes him a smile. “Anytime. Don’t walk alone around the city at this hour, please.”

Seonghwa stares at that, his brain having an error because how can one be so nice, kind, lovely, friendly- Honestly, his mind is racing now.

“Thanks.” He realizes that he repeats himself only after he says it but Hongjoong only chuckles and nods at him as a goodbye and then he’s gone along with his motorcycle. That’s hot.

Seonghwa is malfunctioning, standing there for like five minutes. Only the chilly air snaps him out of it and violent shivers (and his violently beating heart) make him go upstairs. 

Yeah, if he thought he can get over his crush he was wrong. So wrong. It’s worse now.

Next few days are a bit of a hassle. 

“I don’t want to see him, help.” Seonghwa hides behind Yunho, his friends are conveniently taller than him. Yunho, however, is not so keen on this idea.

“I thought that seeing him is your only reason to live.”

“That was before he rejected me. Nicely. And took me home on his motorcycle. It doesn’t add up.”

“I’m stunned that you didn’t combust.” Yunho is honestly impressed, kind of.

“Yes, me too. But what do I do?” Seonghwa whines, he does that a lot. It’s all Hongjoong’s fault.

“I have no idea.” Yunho sighs, feelings are exhausting. And they’re not even his own feelings.

“You can just befriend him.” Mingi suggests like it’s that easy. It’s, not for Seonghwa. 

“I don’t think so.” Yunho and Seonghwa say simultaneously.

“Why are you agreeing?” Seonghwa squints, he wasn’t expecting it to take such turn.

“Because. It’ll only fuel your undying love, right? I’m trying to be smart here and give you a piece of good advice.”

“Thanks. It doesn’t work.” Seonghwa deadpans.

“Okay, so do you want to avoid him or not? Make up your mind for god’s sake.”

“Is there a third option?”

“Death, by our hands.” Mingi purses his lips, this matter needs to be resolved as fast as possible.

“Wow, amazing. Okay, I’ll choose it.”

“Death?”

“Yeah.”

“Hwa, do you really think death is better than seeing Hongjoong?”

“Perhaps?” 

It’s a lost cause. Yunho sighs and gives up. They change the topic, somehow. However, inside his head, Seonghwa continues to have a conversation about Hongjoong. With himself. He’s going crazy. Love does that to you, huh. 

It’s not helping that suddenly he keeps seeing Hongjoong more now that he tries his best to not do that. He feels on edge, it’s almost a paranoia at some point. He looks around just to not be in the same area as Hongjoong that he bumps into a person. At least it’s not a wall- “Sorry, I didn’t notice-” Scratch that, a wall would be better. “Oh god.” It’s Hongjoong. Why is life hating him so much?

“You’re not that tall.” Hongjoong says pursing his lips mildly wounded.

“Still considerably taller than you-” Seonghwa says before remembering who he’s talking to. “Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I’m going.”

“It’s fine.” Of course, Hongjoong smiles his simple, sympathetic smile. Is it pity? Seonghwa can’t help but wonder. Then Hongjoong frowns a little. “You seem troubled.” 

Can he stop being so considerate? Maybe he’s that charming or maybe Seonghwa’s that easy.

“Please stop being like that.” He says because he can’t do this anymore.

“What?” Hongjoong is obviously taken aback.

“I’m only gonna like you more. And we both don’t want that so please-” Seonghwa ends with nervous exhale. 

“Oh. But I’m- I’m just being myself?”

“That’s even worse.” Seonghwa groans before he can stop himself. He glances at Hongjoong and is sure he’s trying to contain his grin.

“You’re seriously boosting my ego a lot. It’s not healthy.” Hongjoong says with the slightest smirk.

“Yeah, it’s not healthy for me either.” Seonghwa says trying hard to not hyperventilate. Looking and talking to Hongjoong this close is dangerous. 

Hongjoong chuckles suddenly. “You’re entertaining.” 

“… Does my misery entertain you?” Seonghwa’s brain-to-mouth filter seems to be broken today.

It makes Hongjoong giggle a bit more. “A little, yeah. You’re fun to be around.” He gives him another gentle, hella attractive smile.

That’s it, Seonghwa is completely smitten, utterly whipped. He’s done for.

“Let’s talk more, okay?”

“Huh?” Seonghwa asks very intelligently. 

“Like hang out? If you want to?”

“But I...” Seonghwa doesn’t follow honestly, he probably looks like his brain is frying currently.

“What? Do you have some objections? I thought you like me.”

“Is this… blackmail?”

“No, no. I’m kidding.” God, he’s laughing again. It’s an amazing sight to witness. “But seriously, you seem fun, I wanna get to know you. And before you say anything- I can see what you’re thinking. No, it’s not pity. I do feel bad for asking you to not look at me. Now that you actually avoid me- Yes, I noticed. I don’t feel better with that at all, so let’s be friends, okay?” Hongjoong ends his little speech with a happy and hopeful smile. How can Seonghwa deny? So he doesn’t. Yes, his heart will suffer afterward most likely. But being friends doesn’t sound horrible either. 

So they do hang out and of course, Seonghwa only learns how good of a person Hongjoong is even more. An unexpected side of him is his cheekiness. Seonghwa was not prepared. His heart is tired of all the constant flipping. 

It also feels great. He doesn’t third-wheel Mingi and Yunho all the time and he’s sure they’re grateful for that. And just spending time with Hongjoong is awesome on its own. It’d be better if he was straight but you can’t have everything. 

He tries his best to not stare at his new friend too much. Especially at his lips. 

“You’re like a kid.”

Seonghwa snaps back to reality. “What?” It’s been two months, he has no idea how time passes that fast but here they are – playing games at Seonghwa’s couch. And he doesn’t even feel awkward about it, yes, he did a lot of progress. 

“A child.”

“Me?” Seonghwa asks just to make sure, he still doesn’t understand.

“Yes.”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. That’s my conclusion after spending time with you. You’re very youthful.” 

“So you’re basically saying I’m immature?” Seonghwa squints in an offended manner, it makes Hongjoong snort. 

“You’re just proving my point.”

Seonghwa humphs turning his head and okay, maybe Hongjoong’s right. 

“At first I thought you’re just very timid. Which is absolutely not the case, you’re just socially awkward.”

“Thanks for that. I’m done with this conversation.”

“Why? It’s fun.” Hongjoong chuckles at Seonghwa’s visible dismay. “You don’t want to know my first impressions of you?”

“I heard enough. And to think I considered you a little angel-”

“I’m not that small.”

Seonghwa rolls his eyes. “Turns out you’re also a brat.” 

“Did I ruin your ideal image of me?” 

Seonghwa huffs at Hongjoong’s blatant teasing. Yes, the ideal image is ruined. But it’s worse because of it. Because Hongjoong isn’t perfect and that makes Seonghwa’s affection even stronger.

“Hey, do you remember our first encounter?” 

Seonghwa raises his eyebrow at the sudden turn of their conversation. “Of course, it’s been a few months, not a few centuries.” 

“Okay.”

A minute passes and Seonghwa is so confused that he pauses the game. Where was Hongjoong going with this?

“That’s it? I don’t get it.” He asks but Hongjoong isn’t looking at him, instead, he’s facing the wall. It sends Seonghwa into panic mode pretty quickly. Is Hongjoong suddenly reminded of his crush? Is he uncomfortable, disgusted? Maybe they’re sitting too close on the couch, maybe-

“Is it still valid?” Hongjoong asks albeit still not facing his friend. 

“Huh?”

“You… liked me, right?”

Seonghwa doesn’t like where this is going, but there’s no point in denying it. He can’t lie anyway.

“I did.” He admits, trying his best to avoid present tense. 

But Hongjoong clearly has no intentions settling on that. “So you don’t anymore?”

“Uh. We’re friends, right? So obviously I like you.” Seonghwa is really trying hard here. However, Hongjoong turns around so suddenly with a fierce expression that Seonghwa almost jumps away.

“No, you know what I mean.” He glares at Seonghwa, his eyebrows frowning. “Do you like me very much? Are you fond of me, enamored-?”

“Please, just stop!” Seonghwa’s ears are probably burning by now. “Yes, just don’t say those things.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, I fancy you. Are you happy now?” Seonghwa grunts, he’s pretty sure he can just get ready for his own funeral. “It’s late, it’s almost midnight, I think I should get going.” He’s about to stand up, not sure if his legs are working though when he’s stopped.

“Um… Seonghwa, this is your house.”

“Oh. I knew that.” Great job, Hwa, dig your own grave. 

“Right… I just wanted to say that…” Hongjoong’s eyes lost wildness and now he just looks hesitant. “I probably like you too.”

“You what?” 

“I think I like you more than friendly.”

“… how?” Seonghwa is definitely malfunctioning. 

“I don’t know, I just kind of wanna touch you- not weirdly! Like maybe cuddle or something. I feel warm inside when we spend time together. I don’t think that’s platonic.” Hongjoong explains like they’re discussing some scientific occurrence. “I thought you should know. And maybe interpret that for me because I’ve been thinking and I’m still not sure what’s going on.” 

“Huh?” Seonghwa heard all of that and it’s honestly more confusing than before. “You want me to clarify your emotions? How do I do that?” 

Hongjoong shrugs. “I don’t know, just tell me it’s normal or something.”

“It is normal I guess… Or it would be if you were into guys which you’re not. So I’m confused.”

“Yes, me too. I still don’t like guys. Other guys. I just like you.” Hongjoong sighs, at least they’re not awkward, it just feels like they’re trying to figure out a homework. “I absolutely never had such thoughts before. It’s not like I’m freaking out though, I’m just trying to understand. I hoped you could help me.”

“Like how?”

“I mean the fact that you still like me already does something to me… But would you mind kissing?”

“With you?” Seonghwa freezes at such a thing thrown at him casually. “What if you hate it?” It’s risky, what if it destroys their friendship?

“Why? Are your skills that poor?” Hongjoong smirks. Alright, he’s very convincing. 

So Seonghwa frowns and leans in meeting Hongjoong in the middle. Seonghwa’s thoughts are getting more haywire progressively to the time passing with their lips being attached. He wasn’t expecting that tonight. Or like ever. But he won’t complain, not now, he’ll have a heart attack after the kiss. Now he enjoys Hongjoong’s lips on his and his hands on his nape. Maybe it’s a fever dream after all-

But then Hongjoong pulls away and naturally so does Seonghwa, getting ready for the panic to him. Why is he the one going into a gay panic when it’s Hongjoong was supposedly completely straight?

“Do you hate me now?” He asks just to be sure even though Hongjoong is not looking even mildly disgusted.

“Of course not.” He snorts and rolls his eyes. “It was kind of like a first kiss all over again. I’m nervous.”

“You don’t look like it.”

“We can’t both be on the bring of death or we won’t get anywhere.” Hongjoong laughs and maybe Seonghwa is looking as panicky outside as he feels inside. “I’m doing you a favor.” 

“Makes sense. Thanks for being in the hold of sanity here.”

“No problem.” He laughs again, god, he’s so cute. A little ray of sunshine.

“So… did it help?”

“I suppose so. It’s confirmed I want to kiss you again.”

“You do? I’m not a girl though.”

“I’m very much aware, thanks.” Hongjoong is definitely amused. “I don’t really mind. Like at all.”

“Oh.”

“So what do you say? Do you want to hang out in a non-platonic way?”

“Is that how you ask people on a date?”

“Hey, I’m new to this.” Hongjoong pouts and Seonghwa is very close to kissing him again.

“I’m not a different species, Joong.” He deadpans instead. “Dating is exactly the same whether it’s a boy or a girl.”

“I’m pretty sure there are differences.” Hongjoong insists, frowning cutely.

“Like what?”

“Like in bed-”

Seonghwa shrieks, blood going to his face. Hongjoong will be the death of him.

“That’s not what we’re talking about! You asked me on a date! I’m sure we won’t spend it in bed!”

“I mean we could-”

“Oh my god. The audacity.” Seonghwa stops grinning Hongjoong. “Is it what I’m singing for if I agree?”

“Didn’t you agree already?”

“I don’t recall. You’re devilish.”

“You still like me.”

“I do.” Seonghwa sighs, too late to back out. His feelings are in full bloom.

“Enough to be my boyfriend?” Hongjoong smirks and of course Seonghwa says yes.

After that they kiss again just to confirm it more… And then they fulfill Hongjoong’s wish of cuddling together, they fall asleep like that.

Seonghwa decides to fall in love with a tiny man in a leather jacket was the best thing he ever did.


End file.
